It feels like I have lost a good part of me when I lost you (29.09.2023).
Everything I stood for in life, and every good deed I have done is all that I have learned from you.
You taught me the meaning of kindness.
You taught me to love my enemies like my friends.
You taught me to talk in the right tone to people.
You taught me to control my anger in unfortunate situations.
You taught me how to respect people even when they disrespected me.
You taught me to laugh when people tried to humiliate me.
You taught me that food shouldn’t be wasted, as there is another you out there in hunger.
You taught me to always dress up well for any occasion outside the home.
You taught me how to make models and toys with clay.
I have called you amma a million times that you couldn’t hear, as it came out from my soul.
I know for a fact that it was you, who was behind me, all these years praying that I never fall into the wrong group of people or do wrong things to people.
You took care of me like a son when my parents were away.
You always had a choice, but you still drained your time to grow me to whatever I am now.
I never in my dreams thought, I would lose you the last time I saw you a couple of weeks back.
They say time will heal this, but I know that nothing other than my death itself can heal me from your loss.
Today feels heavy, I am unable to focus at times.
I think about you, and I think about you when I am alone in a time-loop.
I am unfortunately not able to imagine that you are gone.
Carrying your coffin the other day in the heavy rain felt like I was carrying my life away. Each step was difficult and heavy as I didn’t want to make it. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t you inside the coffin.
Your loss will always be a big empty space in my life.
I am not able to cry out loud.
I am really not able to cry out loud.
I am seriously not able to cry out loud at all, but I want to.
I feel so frozen when I think about you now.
Tears are frozen too.
— I am inconsolable…